im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
