his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
His hands were made for my vagina.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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