cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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