his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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