Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
