I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
