Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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