i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize