I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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