Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
