I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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