If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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