So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
