fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
