What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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