I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
