And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize