For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
