Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
