My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Your penis caused this!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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