I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
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I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
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And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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