wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
