We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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