the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
