did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
