____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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