Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
