I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
