yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
