Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
