she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
