Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
