What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
