I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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