there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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