i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
