she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
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Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
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I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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