I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The power of my boobs compel you
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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