"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
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