I think I died a long time ago.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
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i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
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I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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