Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
