Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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