Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
