is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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