Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
