Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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