it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
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You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
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Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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