That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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