Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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