why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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