dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
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You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
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All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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