so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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