Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
