I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
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The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
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I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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