I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.