We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
