The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
