Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
