did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He passed out mid-signature
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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