I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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