I showed him my bush... on skype.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
