man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
