1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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