Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
